Do dogs know much more than we do?

April 30, 2007

Sir Uhm-a-lot: I feel damn insecure.

 

Miss Snotty: Because?

 

Sir Uhm-a-lot: Well, things. I sort of woke up today and realized that I've been such all along.

 

Miss Snotty: I feel shitty. I have a problem with my stomach.

 

Sir Uhm-a-lot: See? Nobody really cares. All think about themselves, and themselves alone.

 

Miss Snotty: Of course. If people care about other people more than themselves, then the survival of the human species malfunctions.

 

Sir Uhm-a-lot: Then altruism becomes unreal. Speaking of which, I gotta feed Snafu.

 

Miss Snotty: Altruism is real? That's questionable, my dear. A theory in political science deals with that, although only partly. Humans do things to make them happy. To satisfy them. They do it for themselves. We're all out to get the most out of everything and everyone, whatever our reasons are.

 

Snafu the Dog: I'm hungry. I can't see Uhmmy around anywhere.

 

Miss Snotty: Fuck off, find your girlfriend.

 

Snafu the Dog: Uhmmy won't find me a girlfriend. He says if he can't find one, I might as well not have one.

 

Miss Snotty: That's a stupid way of going about it! I cant find a boyfriend myself, it doesn't mean I shouldn't have one! Because that would make me really really sad. I mean, my online friends are hooking up with each other. I'm happy for them, but I hate them.

 

Snafu the Dog: Well, I guess Uhmmy's sarcastic about that. Every time he mentions it to me I can see a glum look in his eyes, even through his dusty eyeglasses. And almost every time, I hear him whisper some name before he gives me those sauced-up Alpo bowls.

 

Miss Snotty: That just sucks. I want to give my dogs some saucy Alpo too!

 

Snafu the Dog: They're quite good. The sauce is, well, saucy.

 

Sir Uhm-a-lot: There you are! Darn it, for a while I thought you were hooking up with Miss Snotty.

 

Miss Snotty: Dogs are so not my type.

 

Snafu the Dog: And besides, I'm, like, forty-something in dog years.

 

Miss Snotty: Oldies are not my type either. Er wait. Maybe they are!